Crush of the Week: Pure Mastery

by Tess Adair

When I started doing Crush of the Week posts, I knew I wanted to focus them primarily on men. The reason was simple: women are objectified far more often than men, so I wanted to do my small part to even the score.

 

That is still true. But today’s crush of the week is going to be a little bit different. Today the crush is all about aspiration and inspiration.

 

I’ve been feeling pretty good for the past week or so, and I think I can attribute that entirely to the frequency and intensity of my workouts. Since adding an 18-lb kettelbell to my tiny “home gym” of sorts, which previously consisted of a mini-elliptical, a pull up bar, yoga blocks, and a resistance band, I’ve been stepping up the cardio and the strength building.

 

And the better I feel about my own strength and stamina, the more inspiration I get from amazing female athletes.

 

So today’s post is dedicated to female athletes. In particular, it’s dedicated to three athletes who have inspired me: Oona Kivela, Ronda Rousey, and Serena Williams.

 

I’ll start with Oona. She’s that fierce Finnish beast you saw at the top of the page. Here she is again!

Oh, did I mention? She’s a pole dancer. A goddamn good one, in case you haven’t figured that one out yet.

This is the easy part.

This is the easy part.

A lot of the best pole dancers make up moves, which are then often named after them (although, unfortunately, the names for different moves are not completely uniform between different studios, which can be a little confusing.)

 

Oona Kivela created the Oona Spin. Wanna see it in action?

Yeeeahhh.

 

She does tons of cool shit. Like this thing.

Even her workouts are cool.

So...the moral of the story is...the Fins are not fucking around, guys.

 

But, hey, America’s got some winners, too.

 

Like Ronda Rousey. (Okay, sure, she lost the last one. Whatever, that’s just gonna make her comeback that much sweeter.)

 

Ronda Rousey is also not fucking around.

Ronda Rousey shows you how to do a proper b&w.

Ronda Rousey shows you how to do a proper b&w.

Yes, Rousey recently lost to Holly Holm. But before that, she was undefeated.

Not just undefeated. She’d only had one other match even make it to the second round. You could watch a reel of all her fights together and the whole thing would barely scratch two minutes.

Ronda crushes the tiny man with ease. The world rejoices.

Ronda crushes the tiny man with ease. The world rejoices.

Man, I don’t even know why she bothers with all the crazy fighting skills. With abs like that, surely you could win any argument with the simple act of pulling up your shirt.

Yeah, like that. See, Ronda knows.

 

You know who else knows? The Queen.

The purpose of this picture is arms.

The purpose of this picture is arms.

Serena’s had an oddly up-and-down year. It should have just been up, seeing as she won 53 out of her 56 matches all while maintaining and protecting one of the most amazing derrieres this planet has ever seen.

 

But people are fucking idiots, so there’s been some down. Like the dumbasses who were upset by her insanely well-deserved Sports Person of the Year award. You know, the ones who thought a horse should win. The ones who thought a horse should win a person award. Out of, what, concern for the horse? The horse gives zero shits. The horse doesn’t know what an award is. Or are you all just mad a black woman won? I seriously don’t know.

 

But it’s cool. The Queen is ready for you.

I have no idea why she's wearing that dress to play in, but I'm guessing it's a power move. I'm not saying I'm intimidated. But I'm also not saying I'm not.

I have no idea why she's wearing that dress to play in, but I'm guessing it's a power move. I'm not saying I'm intimidated. But I'm also not saying I'm not.

And you know what? It doesn’t matter what the dumbasses say. Serena is fuck-tastically amazing and they can’t do shit to change that.

 

She knows. She’s come through worse. And she’s still the winner.

Always.

Always.

Also? Girl’s got some crazy amazeballs splits. Like what is even. I don’t know man. It’s like...yeah.

I love her little dog, gazing on with fear and respect.

I love her little dog, gazing on with fear and respect.

All the abs, all the splits. How’d you get to be so fucking great? Oh yeah--all that hard work. Like that lifetime of hard work. Well done madam. Well done.

What’d I tell you? She’s the Queen.